Crash
by Astra M
Summary: As TRY wraps up, Zelgadis has a few weighty thoughts to work through before the adventurers split off again. [Amelia x Zelgadis]


_Slayers Fanfic - "Crash"   
written June 2000 by Astra M._

* * *

Slayers copyright 1991-2000 by Hajime Kanzaka/Rui Araizumi/Kadokawa Shoten/TV TOKYO/SOFTX/Marubeni. This is a derivative work based on the Slayers series created purely for entertainment value; no profit is being made from its dissemination.

* * *

"More!"   
  
"But Miss, that was the very last bowl!"   
  
"I said MORE!"   
  
"But there just _isn't_ any more!"   
  
The harried waiter was clearly out of his league, though he hadn't realized it yet. One part professional efficiency, one part bewildered and three parts overworked, he was doing his best to be courteous, but Zelgadis could detect the strain of irritation creeping underneath his effusive objections. Not that he could blame the man.   
  
It _was_ very late.   
  
"Madam," The tired waiter was at the end of his patience, almost past the point of being diplomatic, "I am telling you for the _last_ time. THERE IS NOTHING. The kitchen is CLOSED for the evening."   
  
The object of his attention merely stood up. The waiter blinked, having been sure that she wouldn't be so quick to agree, seeing as much trouble as she'd already caused.   
  
That was when he noticed the tiny sphere of light beginning to form in her hand.   
  
_"AND I SAID MORE!!!"_   
  
A braver man might have stood his ground. Or a complete idiot. Fortunately, the waiter was far more pragmatic than that. "I'll see what I can do," he murmured, then quickly turned to escape back towards the kitchen.   
  
As soon as he left, Zelgadis let out an exasperated sigh while Amelia turned on Lina.   
  
"Lina-san, was that _really_ necessary?"   
  
The sorceress, already in a high state of agitation, turned to glare at the princess. Gourry tiredly reached out a hand to restrain her.   
  
_"YES,_ Amelia, as a matter of fact, IT WAS."   
  
The princess wasn't quite so ready to give up. "But it's _already_ so late..."   
  
"SO? That's not my problem! Besides, it's not _my_ fault we got here so late! If you want to blame someone for _that_, Amelia, why don't you look at Zelgadis?"   
  
Inadvertently she did turn to look. The chimera raised his eyes momentarily to lock gazes with the princess but said nothing. Amelia fell silent and settled back down, to stare balefully at the mounting pile of dishes on the table.   
  
Zelgadis smiled sardonically. Technically, it _was_ true - this particular delay had been his fault, though certainly Lina had been no better about keeping them on track through it all.

_It's just been one thing after the other._   
  
After the fight with Valgarv and Dark Star, they had started the long trip back to Seyruun to escort Amelia safely home before splitting up to go their separate ways, as per their usual practice. But this time, the journey back had been beset by more setbacks than normal. Oh sure, there had been the usual delays and side adventures that always plagued their excursions: trips to out-of-the-way restaurants, raids on bandit gangs luckless enough to be in the way when Lina the Bandit Killer crossed their path, visits to ruins on the off chance that there might be a clue to Zelgadis' condition. Or now, a lead on a suitable new weapon for Gourry, which Lina insisted was just as important as Zelgadis' cure if not _more_ so - which had led to more than one serious fight among the group. The already lengthy return trip home began to stretch into a few days extra, then a week, then a _month..._   
  
They had never been gone this long.   
  
At first, Amelia had seemed worried. She had never been away from Seyruun for such an extended period, even with her own past history of adventures with Lina and company. And while she certainly hadn't been thrilled to have gone on this one, she had gotten over it quickly enough. Of course, she was as ready as everyone else to go back home by the end - or at least, she seemed to be. During that first overdue week, when they would have made it back had they been on schedule, she had expressed her anxiety about her father to Lina and the others at dinner. Lina, chicken leg in one hand, knife hefted menacingly towards Gourry in the other, had barely paused in eating long enough to scoff at the princess. "Oh, _come on,_ Amelia! He's a big guy. You're a big girl. He can take care of himself, you know. It's not as if you have to be Daddy's Little Girl all the time."   
  
Amelia had blanched at that, and Zelgadis waited quietly for the angry retort that she normally gave whenever someone attacked her relationship with her father, but it never came. Instead to his surprise she merely sighed. "It's not like that, Lina-san. I... just don't want _him_ to worry about _me."_ This quiet declaration had elicited a raised eyebrow from the chimera, which went unnoticed by Amelia. The sorceress, however, merely nodded absently. "Well, whatever." Again she resumed feasting enthusiastically on her chicken leg, and was oblivious to Amelia's soft murmur, _"I'm_ not worried about me, after all..."   
  
Her response had baffled Zelgadis, and more so as after that evening he noticed that Amelia never brought up the subject of getting back to Seyruun again. In fact, she had been just as enthusiastic about detouring on any number of side trips that came up, in spite of the additional days now mounting up, dragging out their return even longer... It was, the chimera decided, as if she deliberately wasn't in a hurry to get back to Seyruun any time soon.   
  
The truth was, he wasn't in a particular hurry to get back to Seyruun either.   
  
He was loath to admit it, but the events of the past five days were a result of his own dickering. They had been just within two day's journey to Seyruun - one, if they pushed themselves _very_ hard - when the chimera insisted on taking a side trip to an abandoned shrine where he swore Rezo had kept a stash of magical books hidden. Of course, it hadn't taken much to convince Lina to go along with the change in plans, even though they actually had to backtrack about a day to get on the right road. And after that, it had taken _two_ days just to find the abandoned shrine - which turned out to be not so abandoned after all. In fact, the Benevolent Order of the Brothers of Mercy had probably been doing a pretty good business taking care of needy in the area. That was, up until Lina and the rest blew into their midst, wrongly mistaking their rustic clerical trappings for the garb of bandits.   
  
The last two days had been spent cutting a wide detour through the mountains south of Seyruun to avoid the indignant local search parties that were scouring the main roadways heading north towards the city.   
  
As it was, they were extremely lucky to have found an inn so far out of the way. Though technically it wasn't an inn but a resort. At least, that's what Zelgadis assumed it was when they first arrived, given that there was a outdoor spring in the back of the building. He was soon proved right, as the helpful proprietor informed them while he happily welcomed the four weary travelers inside. _News must not travel very fast this far out,_ Zelgadis mussed silently. Not that any of them minded in this instance.   
  
"Lucky for us it's the end of the tourist season!" Lina added as the group made a beeline for the dining room.   
  
_Which is how we ended up here.   
_  
Lina was in rare form that night, even for her. Though she and Gourry had followed their usual practice of splitting the menu between them and consuming enough food for a small army, it still hadn't been enough for Lina. Even Gourry had given up trying to keep pace with the famished sorceress, and eventually settled back to watch Lina with what Zelgadis took to be a growing admiration as she continued to heedlessly pack it away. Amelia, on the other hand, had been unusually subdued, picking at her lone dish and not speaking or eating with her usual enthusiasm through dinner. Eventually, she gave up and just sat back to watch with Gourry as Lina devoured yet another dish. It was odd, thought Zelgadis, as she presumably should have been just as hungry as either Lina or Gourry given the rough trek they had just completed.   
  
Zelgadis hadn't eaten at all.   
  
True, even on a normal day his appetite was severely limited, thanks to the chimeric body Rezo had so thoughtfully blessed him with. But even during those occasions when he wasn't very hungry he would still at least drink something when sitting through a meal with Lina and the crew. If nothing else, it was a pleasant, uninvolving activity that gave him something to do and occupied his mouth so he didn't have to talk, leaving him free to pursue his own private thoughts while the others invariably made a spectacle of themselves.   
  
Tonight, however, he had no appetite at all, not even for a simple cup of coffee. Instead he sat back, arms crossed, and merely stared at the table. Occasionally he would look up to check off the climbing pile of dishes, or to briefly glance at Gourry, Lina, or Amelia. But other than the animated Lina who was completely oblivious to anything falling outside the perimeter of her plate, both Gourry and Amelia seemed to be in just as much of a funk as he was. The uncharacteristic silence was unnerving and he wondered if he shouldn't be saying something. Zelgadis smirked inwardly at the irony of the situation. Nobody was trying to draw him into a conversation and, for once, it was getting to him.   
  
While he was pondering this he saw Amelia struggling to stifle a yawn, and it suddenly hit him how tired he was. Though really he had no idea why. Weariness was another one of those human burdens he no longer had to deal with as regularly as his friends. Certainly, the trip that day had been harder than usual given the lack of beaten trails to follow, but it was nothing he hadn't done before without breaking a sweat. His body wasn't sore. So if it wasn't his body, then the source of his exhaustion... was in his head.  
  
He almost smiled outwardly at this. _Oh brother, I really must be tired to think something like that._ Only one thing to do then. Better get himself to bed, get a good night's sleep and try not to think about anything anymore. After all, like it or not they would be in Seyruun the next day...   
  
He refused to think about that and instead pulled himself up from the table. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a bath -"   
  
At this, Lina quickly looked up and stopped eating - a movement that surprised the others enough to snap them out of their stupor. "Now wait a sec, Zel. _I_ need to take a bath, too."   
  
The chimera merely stared at her in confusion a moment before saying anything. "So? We _all_ do. What's your needing to take a bath have anything to do with me?"   
  
"Weren't you listening before?"   
  
Zelgadis was starting to get annoyed. "Listening to _what?"_   
  
Lina rolled her eyes. "Well, for your information, the proprietor told me that there's only _one_ bath here, and it's for _both_ men and women."   
  
Zelgadis merely stared at her, not following her meaning.   
  
Lina slammed down her fork in annoyance. "Dammit, do I have to draw a picture, Zel? They're connected! And I don't know about _you,"_ - Lina's voice began to grow dangerous - "but there's NO WAY we're all going to share it _together!"_   
  
_Dammit, I must be more tired than I realized not to have understood her right away..._ Zelgadis frowned in disgust at her words. He could see where this conversation headed though. "Of _course_ not!" he retorted hotly, while his mind raced for a suitable argument. There was no way he was going to sit and wait for Lina to finish a bath when he was so tired. But he didn't have to think very hard to find the right one: "But Lina... aren't you still eating?"   
  
Lina blinked in surprise. Of course there was that little detail... "Uh, yeah."   
  
_Got you._ "Fine. Seeing as we're done, why don't Gourry and I take _our_ baths first? When we're done we'll let you know so you can use it."   
  
Lina didn't look convinced and began to open her mouth. Steeling himself for an argument, Zelgadis was pleased when the waiter suddenly reappeared to place a large steaming pie in front of the upset sorceress. True to form, Lina immediately forgot what they had been fighting about as she dove in.   
  
Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Right. Let's go, Gourry."

* * *

Zelgadis had to admit it was actually a rather nice spa.   
  
The chimera rested against a low rocky outcropping near the middle of the large pool of warm water, idly watching the faint streams of steam rise up in the cool night air. Nearby, a small waterfall gushed down to splash over several wide, flat boulders before washing into the spa. Lush greenery and rocky outcroppings lined the edges of the pool, and the clear, starry expanse above added a soothing atmosphere.   
  
It provided the right mood to do some serious thinking.   
  
Zelgadis let out a soft sigh as several bothersome thoughts swirled about his head. Foremost in his mind was one question in particular, a seemingly simple one that Amelia had asked of him some weeks before. And that's what bothered him, he realized. Such a simple decision as he would normally have no trouble with. But then again, he had never been good at making decisions in regards to... others.   
  
He would have to answer her tomorrow.   
  
"Something on your mind, Zel?"   
  
"Eh? Oh... nothing."   
  
The large swordsman sat nearby, finishing up his bath while humming a cheerful tune. Though Zelgadis could see that he was tired, Gourry had still been somewhat animated during his bath. The chimera wondered, not for the first time, where he got his energy from.   
  
"Just wondering. You seem awfully quiet. I mean, more than usual." He laughed amiably. Zelgadis said nothing.   
  
Gathering his bath things, the swordsman stretched languidly one last time, then stood up. He started moving towards the building, then noticing that he wasn't being followed, stopped to look back at Zelgadis. "Are you done?"   
  
"No."   
  
Gourry merely nodded. "Well, I'm going to go... Will you be long?"   
  
"Nah. I'll be right behind you."   
  
"Okay. G'night, Zel." With that, Gourry quickly made his way out of the water, snatching up his towel and bath things before disappearing inside, leaving Zelgadis to enjoy the quiet solitude of the spa.   
  
In truth, he had finished bathing a long time ago and was merely soaking in the water now. He didn't feel like moving, though he knew he really should be going to bed soon. But there was no hurry - it wasn't as if he needed to worry about his skin getting wrinkled, he mussed humorlessly to himself.   
  
He was in a strange mood. He knew this without really knowing the reason why. It was almost like being depressed. Almost but not quite... it was like he was _waiting_ for something...   
  
Zelgadis rolled his eyes and stood up. He didn't need this. _Just sleep it off. Stop thinking and just go..._   
  
But instead of going, Zelgadis moved off to the far end of the pool, and sat down among one of the rocky outcroppings that lined the edge of the spa. The large, bushy palms were thicker here and came down over the water's edge. As Zelgadis nestled down among them, back resting against the smooth stone, he smiled at the privacy and feeling of seclusion the palm fronds and faintly rising steam gave him. It was good to be alone. The stars twinkled brightly above him, adding to the idyllic scene. He idly noted that his new position gave him a nice view of the entire spa - he was facing the entrance to the left and to his right the waterfall. He closed his eyes in relaxation, listening to the soothing splashing of water falling on rock. Maybe he could fall asleep here tonight...   
  
Movement.   
  
Zelgadis snapped his head around in the direction of the entrance. _Eh? I thought I heard -_   
  
There was someone else entering the spa.   
  
_Oh wonderful,_ he thought. Someone else to ruin his privacy.   
  
All he wanted was some privacy.   
  
_It's so damn late. Who the hell wants to take a bath at this hour?_ he groaned internally. So much for his moment of tranquility. Sighing deeply, he hoped Gourry wouldn't be snoring too loudly when he got back. Then as he began to get up, he caught sight of the person entering the spa.   
  
It wasn't a man.   
  
_What the -?_ Zelgadis thought as he quickly sat back down. Peering carefully through the palm fronds and light steam, he was able to make out the woman's face.   
  
_Amelia._   
  
Zelgadis started as this realization sunk in, nearly smacking the back of his head against the rocks behind him, but quickly caught ahold of himself. _What is she doing here? Didn't she know I was still in here? Didn't Gourry say -?_ Then he remembered his own words: "I'll be right behind you." _Great. So Gourry must have gone and told them..._   
  
Amelia, wearing one of the courtesy white bathrobes that came with their rooms, was now standing at the edge of the spa, holding a bath towel in one hand, a container of toiletries in the other. She knelt down to place the soaps and towel on a stool, then casually dipped her hand in the warm water. Standing back up, she smiled with pleasure as she took in the layout of the spa. She let her eyes travel around the perimeter of the pool to the interspersed outcroppings to the waterfall and back again   
  
Zelgadis' heart froze when Amelia cast her gaze in his direction. But she passed right over him without pause, and he realized to his great relief that she couldn't see him, as dark as it was and with him so well concealed. He let out his breath, only just realizing then that he'd been keeping it in from the moment she stepped into the spa. And with that, he began to think again.   
  
_How to get out of this one?_   
  
His mind raced. No matter what he did, it would be bad, he knew. But he had to get out, and quickly. _Maybe I can just breeze by her. Just casually get up and walk by. I'm a guy, no big deal...   
_  
Zelgadis grimaced. _Like hell I can do that._   
  
_All right, then, maybe I can just slip out of the pool from here..._ He glanced around him and immediately saw that it was hopeless. Like a typical spa there were high fences all around the edges - the better to keep out the perverts with.   
  
_Well, **I'm **not a pervert,_ Zelgadis thought angrily as he nixed that idea. Time was running out. Whatever he did, he had to be fast. Maybe he could swim, under the water past Amelia, then make a break for the men's area when her back was turned. He had his chimeric speed after all. Be out and gone with no one the wiser, or at the very least, be out before -   
  
_Before Lina arrives,_ Zelgadis thought as he suddenly noted the fiery sorceress' absence. A vivid picture sprang into his mind of what kind of retribution Lina would deliver on his person should she catch him like this, and an icy chill ran down his spine.   
  
That settled it. _Modesty be damned,_ he thought with renewed determination - far better to suffer the embarrassment of briefly exposing himself to Amelia than the threat of massive bodily harm from accidentally exposing himself to Lina. Silently cursing the "idiot swordsman" as he started to get up, Zelgadis mentally steeled himself and got ready to call out to Amelia -   
  
It was at that moment that the princess decided to undo her bathrobe.   
  
The words died in his throat as Zelgadis gaped in wide eyed amazement at the sight before him. He instantly felt his cheeks start to burn as the blood surged up to rush across his cheeks, and he froze mid stance, unable to fully comprehend what he was witnessing.   
  
_This can't be happening..._

* * *

Amelia stood at the water's edge, robe hanging open but still clinging to her shoulders, letting the soft night breeze gently blow the flaps behind her. Tilting her head back she looked up at the starry sky above briefly, then closing her eyes, took in the smell of the spa. _Tropical extracts, with a hint of mineral water._ She smiled to herself, amused by the sudden recollection of something that her long-lost sister had once taught her about judging the quality of spring water. After days of being on the road, a hot bath was just what she needed. All the better that it should be at a spa. Perhaps even Gracia might have approved...   
  
Amelia yawned. She was tired - everyone was that night, actually, she recalled, even Zelgadis. The past few days had been particularly wearisome, but there was more to it than that, Amelia realized. Everyone was finally feeling the effects of weeks on the road. Even Lina, in spite of the fuss she kicked up with Zelgadis over the baths, had fallen asleep almost immediately after finishing the last bit of pie, crashing down so hard on the table that Amelia was momentarily afraid she had been poisoned. (And honestly, Amelia wouldn't have put it past the waiter by that point - such things had happened before.) As much as she hated to admit it, it really _was_ time to be going home...   
  
She immediately stopped that chain of thought. In all these weeks Zelgadis had never given her an answer, and privately Amelia was sure she already knew what his response would be. _Tomorrow... tomorrow we all go our separate ways. Tonight, we'll be together. Just one more night..._ Sighing, the princess raised her arms up over her head and stretched luxuriously, arching her back and coming slightly off her heels. _This feels so good.   
_  
A sudden splashing sound at the far end of the pool drew her attention. Amelia frowned - was someone there? She quickly dropped her arms and grabbed her robe, drawing it protectively around her body. Peering through the faint mist, she tried to make out the form of another person. _Didn't Gourry-san say that he and Zelgadis-san were the only ones who had been using it?_   
  
Amelia hovered a minute at the spa's edge, ready to run if anyone showed their face. But as the silence continued unbroken, she began to wonder if she wasn't just hearing things. Taking a chance, she called out across the water: "Is anyone there?"   
  
No answer.   
  
Now feeling a little foolish, Amelia let out a small sigh of relief. She had been frightened for a moment that someone else was in the spa. She blushed slightly - she would have been mortified if someone had seen her naked. _Besides,_ she thought as she began to rationalize things more calmly, _it's much too late for anyone to be using the bath now - everyone will be in bed at this late hour. Which is really what I should be doing myself._   
  
Satisfied with that, Amelia let her robe fall open again, this time allowing it to slide quickly off her shoulders and rest in a puddle around her ankles. Kicking it away with one foot, she quickly slipped into the water, snatching up the container of soaps with her as she started to wade out towards the center. She stopped just before the waterline reached her crotch, enjoying the feel of the water lapping around her thighs. Leaving the soap dish to float, she stretched again, arms over her head and arching her back, eyes closed, this time holding it a little longer. It felt good after all that walking. Arching her back a little further, she opened her eyes to stare up at the starry expanse overhead.

* * *

Zelgadis sat crouched in his private grotto, eyes just above the water line, blood rushing through his head, heart pounding in his chest, thanking his lucky stars for the darkness and camouflage. He was riveted to the sight before him.   
  
_She's naked._   
  
He couldn't believe it. He was sure that he'd been caught earlier when he suddenly lost his footing. The unexpected sight of Amelia's breasts displayed in their full glory had caught him by surprise.   
  
_Then again, they always had that effect,_ Zelgadis flinched internally.   
  
It was something rather personal, something that Zelgadis would never talk about to anyone with, not even Gourry. _Especially_ not Gourry, with that one's well known breast fetish. But Zelgadis had to admit that he, too, had his own little fixation - or at least, one when it came to Amelia's body. Ever since that first time he had inadvertently felt them, he had been keenly aware of their presence...   
  
_She's naked._   
  
Zelgadis struggled to calm his racing heart, irrationally sure that somehow Amelia would hear it. There was no escape now, no dignified (or semi-dignified) way to extract himself. He was trapped and he knew it.   
  
_In more ways than one,_ he thought, much to his chagrin, as he continued to stare at Amelia as she quickly dropped out of her stretch and began to wade deeper. Zelgadis started in surprise yet again as the princess suddenly dropped from sight beneath the surface. He waited, chest tight, wondering mindlessly if perhaps he ought to go after her when she finally broke surface. Standing up in the water, she swung her head to whip her now drenched hair away from her face, moving her hands to push the stray locks behind her ears.  
  
_And now she's wet.   
_  
Zelgadis mentally slapped himself for the direction his internal running commentary seemed to be heading, but he couldn't deny it. The allure of watching Amelia was too overpowering, trampling his better instincts.   
  
He had never seen a naked woman before now - at least, not like _this_. Oh sure, he had seen drawings in books, artist's renditions, statues of nudes and the ilk. He had even sometimes caught glimpses of naked woman, although always through some accidental happenstance that invariably ended in embarrassment. He had heard sex talk through past friends and acquaintances, enough to know about "womanly" things, and could still recall one particularly humiliating memory of Rezo sitting him down to give him "the talk" when Zelgadis had first hit puberty.   
  
But he had never actually _been_ with a woman. At first, because he simply hadn't been interested, absorbed in his own pursuits of swordsmanship and magic among other things. And later... because he felt he couldn't. Women were largely a mystery to him.   
  
To be able to actually _see_ for himself...   
  
Zelgadis blanched, then deliberately tore his eyes away from Amelia. _Damn, what kind of a pervert am I?_ he thought, deeply disgusted with himself. _I shouldn't be doing this._  
  
_What would she think if she knew.   
_  
He paused. He had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what she'd think if she found out: _Zelgadis-san, a pervert?_ He could just imagine the contempt she would hold him in from now on, and the thought... crushed him.   
  
He didn't want her to think any less of him.   
  
_I need to go,_ Zelgadis thought. _I'm blowing my chance to escape._ Now, while Amelia was occupied with her bath, he would be able to swim to the edge of the pool and jump out when her back was turned. He could slip into the room he shared with Gourry and go to sleep, with no one the wiser. Come morning, this would be all behind him - a mere memory. Or he could chalk it up as a dream. A youthful indiscretion...   
  
Satisfied with his course of action, Zelgadis raised his eyes to look towards the entrance of the spa and gauge the time it would take to make his escape. That done, he set his plan in motion.   
  
_All right, now to see where Amelia is so I can -_   
  
Zelgadis turned back to look at the princess and his mind seized entirely.   
  
While the chimera had been preoccupied, Amelia had made her way over to the waterfall. Climbing atop one of the larger rocks, she had situated herself directly under the downfall, leaning back to let the stream fall fully down the length of her body.   
  
She was fully exposed to him now, and Zelgadis left all thought of escaping behind as he resumed his hypnotic inspection of her body.   
  
_She's beautiful.   
_  
Though Zelgadis didn't realize it, he was no longer blushing and his heart rate began to calm down for the first time since the ordeal had begun. A faintly burning sensation had begun in his groin as he watched the princess raise her hands to gently massage her breasts in the falling water. He let his gaze travel thoroughly up and down the length of her, lingering in turn over long limbs, the gentle curve of her hips, the flat stomach and full breasts, up the slender neck to rest on the face he knew so well, before letting his gaze drop back down to settle on that one place that fascinated him most of all.

_You've got your ball   
you've got your chain   
Tied to me tight tie me up again   
Who's got their claws   
in you my friend   
Into your heart I'll beat again_

Amelia sighed to herself as she let the water fall over her body. The pressure felt almost like a massage, relieving some of the tenseness in her muscles. Though she would have loved to have stayed like that for longer yet, she pushed herself out of the waterfall and reached for a bottle of shampoo. She knew she should be doing this in the washroom, but she didn't care. She wanted to be out in the open air, and as there was no one to complain about her lapse in bath etiquette, she decided to make full use of the waterfall. Pouring some of the liquid into her hand, she quickly lathered up her hair.   
  
Massaging her head this way for several minutes, Amelia mussed at the convenience of the situation. She was secretly glad that Lina had passed out and had to be carried up to bed by Gourry. Though normally she loved company, there were times when she, too, needed her privacy. And though she would never have said so out loud, bath time was one of those times she really cherished her solitude.   
  
It wasn't because she was accustomed to taking her baths in private, though that was part of the reason. She never threw her rank or pampered life around when on the road, accepting the "inconveniences" that came along as part of the normal routine. Amelia was always conscious of never doing anything that would label her a stuck up princess, having seen too many of her royal contemporaries christened with the dubious honor. And as it was, there was a lot she could put up with. But baths were a slightly different matter.   
  
It was because of her body.   
  
Ever since reaching puberty at an unusually early age - sooner than anyone else in her family or any of the other noble girls her age for that matter - Amelia had been made aware of just how... _sensitive_ people were about their physical development. Or lack thereof. Particularly, it seemed, in comparison to _hers_. She couldn't remember the year when she first developed breasts - it sometimes felt like she'd always had them - but she remembered that when people saw her, they always seemed to be taken aback that a girl so young could have such a mature body. She had heard and been hurt by enough snide and insinuating comments to have developed a thick hide over the years.   
  
But still, it was something she'd sooner do without. Whenever they went into public baths, Amelia would always note how the other women would look at her and whisper among themselves, but she would pretend not to notice. In her own way, Lina was just as bad, though at least she was open about it. Amelia's only comfort through all this was the knowledge that her sister Gracia had apparently had it even worse - though she was long gone by the time Amelia was old enough to relate.   
  
But tonight at least she didn't have to worry about demeaning comments. She dropped her hands and leaned back into the falling water, allowing it to wash out the suds from her hair. Sighing, Amelia poured more liquid into her palm from another bottle and repeated the process again.   
  
_It was ironic,_ she thought. Having a supposedly great body wasn't always what it was cracked up to be. After all, she thought to herself as she massaged her scalp, if it was so great at getting everybody's attention... why was it no good at getting the attention of the only person she wanted to notice?   
  
Dropping her arms again, she sat morosely as the water tumbled over her back, staring off at nothing as she became absorbed in her thoughts.   
  
It was hard to pin down why, but she was sure Zelgadis didn't find her attractive at all. _At least, not physically... among other things._ There were times, though rare, throughout their trips together when for some silly reason or other, Amelia had to dress in something slightly more revealing than her regular white travel outfit. And it was at these times, she noticed, that Zelgadis would avoid looking at her altogether, and sometimes even drop hints about her changing her clothes.   
  
Then of course there had been that whole Miwan incident.   
  
Unsmiling, Amelia leaned back to let the water again wash her hair out. Miwan, though later revealed to be male, had been pretty, Amelia remembered. Soft and demure and gentle and ladylike and... maidenly. _Just like a storybook princess,_ Amelia thought with a small trace of irony.   
  
And Zelgadis had been absolutely smitten with her at first sight.   
  
Amelia leaned forward to sink her head against her knees, a small wave of despair washing over her.   
  
She was nothing like Miwan.   
  
She stayed like that for a moment, allowing the water to fall over her. Then, shrugging off her melancholy, she picked up another bottle, poured out another liquid and began scrubbing idly at her body.   
  
_If only he would look at me like he looked at Miwan..._

_Sweet like candy to my soul   
Sweet you rock   
and sweet you roll   
Lost for you I'm so lost for you   
You come crash into me   
And I come into you,_

_She's perfect.   
_  
Zelgadis shuddered unconsciously as the realization overcame him. As he watched the princess begin to run her hands along her legs as she washed her body, the chimera stayed rooted in total mesmerization, unashamedly following her motions with unbridled interest.   
  
The melancholy look that had washed over her face had perplexed him. What had she been thinking about? He had felt a quiet urge to say something to her, easily stifled given the situation. Though he couldn't clearly explain why, it had always bothered him to see her perturbed. But as she raised her head to start washing, she looked normal enough, and he quickly forgot his concern as he was again swallowed up in fascination by her current activity.   
  
She had always been beautiful, though. He had always known that, from the very beginning. Even though he had tried not to respond to that, he had always been aware of her physical beauty.

_I come into you   
In a boys dream   
In a boys dream_

It had been something of a sore point, actually, particularly in those early days when he had been put off by the "annoying girl" as he had mentally dubbed her back then. His mind told him that he wasn't interested in her. His body, however, was another matter entirely and seemed determined to betray him whenever possible on that point. It had been maddeningly frustrating. At first.   
  
He was uncertain as to where or when it had happened, but at some point he no longer minded her occasionally frothy antics so much, though it was true she no longer did them with quite so much regularity as when they first met. And he certainly had never really minded the many occasions of close physical proximity he'd shared with her. But there was much more to it than that, he had eventually acknowledged. He had come to appreciate her companionship as much as he did Lina's or Gourry's. In fact, in these past few months, he found that he had come to value it even _more_...   
  
But she was beautiful. And he was not.   
  
Zelgadis' expression turned dark as he contemplated this while watching Amelia begin to work her way up her body. Anyone could see it. Her long legs. Her full hips. The shapely hourglass figure that led up to an equally lovely face. Physically everything anyone could ever want.   
  
And a _princess_ to boot.   
  
_She could have any man in the world she wants. So why would she want... a freak like me?   
_  
Now it was Zelgadis' turn to put his head down against his knees, but he never tore his gaze away from the princess. Instead, he felt something like a mounting jealousy rise up from within him. Though he didn't know it, his expression had hardened, a cross between hurt anger and burning desire. 

_Touch your lips just so I know   
In your eyes, love, it glows so_

He scoffed at himself then. _Feh. Why should I care? What's it to me? It's not as if she knows how I feel -   
_  
Suddenly confused, he paused in his train of thought. _How I feel? Where did that... come from?   
_  
How _did_ he feel? 

_I'm so bare-boned and crazy for you   
When you come crash   
into me, baby_

He wasn't sure. He had never been sure, though as of late he was becoming more and more troubled by that than ever before.   
  
He cared for her - he knew that, had known it ever since that time he had thrown himself in front of Garv to save her life, and probably since before even that, he later realized.   
  
But he... _cared_... about Lina and Gourry, too, didn't he? How many times had he been drug into life-threatening situations on account of them? Hadn't he fought just as hard to protect _them_ as well? And Zolf and Rodimus before. He had been willing to throw his _life_ away on account of those two.   
  
He had gone through a lot with all of them. Enough that he was comfortable with calling them his friends - _all_ of them.   
  
So then, was it _really_ any different with Amelia? 

_And I come into you   
In a boys dream   
In a boys dream_

But given all that he could never recall feeling anywhere the same amount of concern for any of them as he did for Amelia. Times when she was hurt. Times when she was worried. Times when she was missing. Times when she was upset. Times when she was wounded. Times when she was in danger. That time when she had nearly died.   
  
That other time when she had.   
  
Was it... love? 

_If I've gone overboard   
Then I'm begging you   
to forgive me   
In my haste_

But what _was_ love? Isn't that what you feel for someone who takes your breath away? You can see yourself reflected in?   
  
Wasn't that what he had felt for... Miwan?   
  
Zelgadis grimaced at the unpleasant memory. That "love" had been a sham, something entirely concocted in his own mind, as he realized _much_ later when he had finally been calm enough to rationalize the whole humiliating fiasco. What had attracted him to Miwan? That was easy - "she" was soft, demure, gentle, ladylike, refined - she fit his ideal of what a "real" lady should be like. But more than that, he sensed a kindred spirit in her - someone else equally unhappy with their lot in life, seeking a way to break free and follow their own path.   
  
Someone _he_ could play the hero for.   
  
No, he decided much, much later - that hadn't really been love, after all.   
  
Though if it _wasn't_... what was, then?

_When I'm holding you so girl...   
close to me _

Did it have something to do with... the way he was feeling?   
  
Miwan had made him feel giddy, tongue-tied, light-headed - invoked in him all the usual euphoric feelings of the hopelessly love struck. And - which was most seductive of all to him - like there was someone else in the world who could understand what he was going through. But after all this time, Zelgadis could no longer recall if at any point during that time when he was entranced with her if she had ever made him feel... ?   
  
Zelgadis continued to watch Amelia, intently following every motion of her hands running over her body. As he watched, he could feel the burning sensation down below begin to intensify.   
  
Hands gliding across her arms...

_Oh and you come crash   
into me, baby   
And I come into you_

How did _she_ make him feel?   
  
...down her chest, around her breasts...   
  
He felt the ache growing stronger.

_Hike up your skirt a little more   
and show the world to me_

She made him feel helpless.   
  
...over her stomach, along her hips...   
  
Not magically, not physically, not mentally - but emotionally, he was helpless before her.   
  
It was ironic.   
  
_She_ wanted to be the hero.   
  
She didn't even _need_ him.   
  
And - he burned for her.   
  
That was what made him feel most helpless of all. There was nothing he could do for her that she couldn't do for herself. And he had never felt like this for anyone ever. Not for any of his past crushes, not for any of his present acquaintances. Not for Lina, Sylphiel, Filia... not even during his infatuation with Miwan.   
  
No one else except Amelia.   
  
...across her thighs...   
  
Was it... lust?

_Hike up your skirt a little more   
and show your world to me_

...between her legs.

_In a boys dream... In a boys dream_

Zelgadis thought he was going to explode as he poured all his attention into that one act. He fought for control over himself as he felt a sudden, primal, almost overwhelming need surge up through his body.

_Oh I watch you there   
through the window   
and I stare at you_

He wanted her.   
  
He knew that now. He wanted her in the way a man wants a woman, had wanted her like that for some time now. To be able to run his fingers through that silky black hair, trace the small curves of her body with his hands. Bury his face among the pillows of her breasts, cup her close to him...

_You wear nothing but you   
wear it so well_

To touch her and stroke her and kiss her and explore every last secret corner...

_Tied up and twisted,   
the way I'd like to be_

To feel her underneath him, skin entwined with skin...   
  
He stopped. _Skin on skin..._   
  
He blinked slowly, the irony of it all slowly seeping in.   
  
_Skin...   
_  
He looked at his hands, their bluish cast visible even in the dark, and visually traced the rocky embedments on the backsides.   
  
Then he clenched his fists as equal parts despair and anger washed over him.   
  
He wasn't even _human_.   
  
What had he been thinking? He had nothing to offer Amelia, nothing at all that would make up for what she already had, couldn't somehow get somewhere else...   
  
Certainly not his _body_.   
  
Zelgadis suddenly felt very old... and hollow. He felt all his desire start to seep out of him as the hopelessness of his situation began to sink in.   
  
He had always felt this way, too.   
  
Zelgadis watched silently as Amelia, now done with her bath, slid off the rock and began to wade back to the main building.   
  
As he watched her leave, a crazy longing suddenly seized him.   
  
_It's your last chance._ Tomorrow they would be back in Seyruun. Ready to go their separate ways.   
  
_Go to her. Tell her._   
  
_Beg her to allow you to make love to her.   
_  
Fear gripped the chimera's heart. _Beg her..._   
  
He would be begging, all right. And if she rejected him -   
  
He didn't know what he would do then.   
  
So he sat, watching the princess slip away from him. _It's hopeless anyway.   
_  
"Zelgadis-san."   
  
His melancholy thoughts were interrupted as his eyes darted guiltily over towards where Amelia stood, back to him. His heart skipped a beat. _Does she know I'm here? No, that's imp-_   
  
Then he understood. Amelia was looking up at the stars again. And, in her innocently childish way, addressing them with a heartfelt desire:   
  
"Zelgadis-san... I want to be with you."   
  
Zelgadis blinked, hardly able to believe what he'd just heard. He watched the princess step out of the spa, slipping on her bathrobe and quietly entering the woman's area. His heart began to beat again as he sat, an expression of dazed wonderment on his face.   
  
_She wants to be with me.   
_  
Zelgadis allowed a few more minutes to pass before he finally got up and waded out to the center of the pool, head swimming with a multitude of thoughts. Many of them much more hopeful than he had felt in a long, long time.   
  
He stood, as Amelia had done, looking up at the stars above. He felt an anxious weight begin to lift off his shoulders.   
  
He had decided. He would _not_ stay in Seyruun after all, as Amelia had asked him to do weeks earlier, but it would not be for quite the same reasons this time as before.   
  
As a star shot across the sky, Zelgadis smiled - one of the heartfelt, genuine smiles that he flashed only rarely.   
  
"I want to be with you, too, Amelia."

_For you, for me, come crash   
into me_

And with that, the chimera silently made his way out of the spa and went up to bed.

* * *

_"Crash Into Me" copyright Dave Matthews Band... like any of you out there didn't know that already. Totally uninspired fanfic title likewise attributed to Mr. Matthews. Dang, he's good._


End file.
